Suffering as the Primer to Grace?

I was perusing through a piece on suffering in the Huffington Post recently. It was truly enlightening, to be sure.

I have always felt that the suffering I experienced was simply my way of paying my "dues" as an artist and human being.  I have always been patient and simply "knew" that deep within, I was the artist, lover, mentor, father figure, friend, companion, writer and man I always hoped to be - and that though I wasn't there yet, I felt every lesson - every failure and success - was part and parcel to my inevitable higher self.

In the past, while some might perceive any injustices I experienced as Cause for War, I always had a sense that I needed to reserve my armor for when I was most vulnerable inside. In other words, "pick my battles".

To be strong is not to put up your armor, but to let your insides show. Let others see the honest truth within. If you live that way - with nothing to hide - there is a certain strength in not relying on cold steel armor to protect you, but to allow suffering and reason and clarity defend any slings and arrows from those whose currency relies upon such armament, fall pointlessly to the ground.

∞

Dirt under my nails.

If the mantra that "If you want something done right, do it yourself" has any room for accuracy, it's that one's version of right may not be that of another's.

After looking for someone to handle some PR for me - and to be a part of my next mission - I've come to re-embrace what I've always known was a truism: That if you are tired of placing fate in someone else's hands, you have to face that your hands will need to get dirty.

So here's what I've been getting dirty with: my new website/blog building, expired & new domain name handling, owners-of-a-domain-name-which-I-covet hunting, all the fucking "re-branding" article hunting, local art community art-making, social media plugging, client handling, web-hosting, intern-hunting, email databasing, time managing, work/play/home-balancing, ADHD researching, tutoring, project strategizing, chauffeuring, drawing, cutting, painting, burning, sensible-eating, bleating, cleating and loving.

Not in that order, but on orders.

I will be so relieved when I can drive this mothership around. For now, I'm practicing the rituals of blogging on one patient soul.